When is it Official?

This is an issue I have seen one too many times. You meet this great guy and you couldn't have asked for anyone better. He makes you laugh so hard that your abs hurt. His smile washes away all of your problems like waves crashing down on the beach and retreating back into the ocean.

You've been on multiple dates and all your girlfriends know all about him. He's the guy who has made your friends believe in love in first sight. Then comes the dreaded question..."So are you guys exclusive?"

That's when that awkward pause takes over that seems as if hours pass before you open your mouth and say, "Umm, I think so?" You think so? Probably not if you "think so".

So when does casual dating become the real thing? Is there a litmus test I can take on my "relationship" with the guy I'm seeing?

From a Lending Hand's perspective, it is difficult to tell. I myself have been in this position before and let me be the first to say, it isn't all black and white. It has many shades of gray.

However, I can tell you that when you have been introduced to his friends, chances are good that you are officially dating. But you have to meet his real friends, the guys he watches the game with, goes out drinking with, and goes on bromance trips with. This is where he makes the statement that even with all of your faults, that he chooses you!

On the other hand, if you have gone on at least 3 dates and haven't met his close pals (running into them when you're at dinner does not count) chances are slim he actually wants to continue the relationship.

The absence of his friends can mean;

A) He is casually dating around and keeping you on the back burner until all other options have been exhausted. In other words, hes playing you. Covering his bases so that his friends don't get confused with who he is dating and call you by the other girls name, or vise versa.

B) Hasn't made up his mind on you. This would have to do with your looks or personality. There is something that is not sitting well with him. Something bad enough not to introduce you to his pals.

C) He has no friends and if that's the case, RUN. He'll be the most clingy boyfriend you've ever had. He'll be over during "girls night" with you and your friends because he has nothing else to do. He'll paint your nails, eat the cake batter, and drink glass after glass of Merlot with you and your gals.

What happened? Where did it all go wrong? I thought I didn't have to look any further! All your girlfriends will tell you that you did nothing wrong. He's missing out on the best thing that ever happened to him. Blah blah blah.

If this happens on a rare occasions, your friends are probably right. He's too high maintenance or has emotional issues. However, if this happens on a regular basis then you should (from the wise words from 1991) "Check yourself before you wreck yourself". For you optimistic individuals, this could also be one of those "exceptions to the rule" but in reality "exceptions to the rule" are at least 1000 to 1.

Unfortunately I cannot help you in this department. This is another blog on another day. In fact, I don't think I'm certified to help you. You need professional help, this Lending Hand cannot help your dire situation. Sorry.

Either way, just remember, meeting his friends is a good sign while being the scooter he doesn't want to be seen riding is a bad sign.

From a Lending Hands perspective, its not always about how official it is when you are dating someone. Its about the time you spend together. If he's not ready to officially date then why push the envelope and risk everything? Do what women do best, manipulate him into being your slave for the next 60 years, and when that fails, go find your next victim and start from scratch.