Kudos!

Women in their early 20's to their late 40's (cougars) go out every weekend and look to let loose and forget their daily grind from the 9 to 5 work week. You go out with a group of your girls and drink away your ambitions and problems.

Of course you're not looking to buy your own drinks right? You casually "eye flirt" with the guy a few feet away and invite him to hit on you with the worst lines. Of course, thirsty as you are, you giggle and he asks you if he can buy you a drink.

You accept, take his drink, then just as fast and you said yes you walk/juke your way through the mess of people and away into the abyss of the bar, and as far away from him as possible.

If this is you I have only one thing to say, good for you. If a guy is dumb enough to fall for that fake laugh and fake conversation where you act interested in whatever he is saying, then he deserves to lose $11 dollars for your Kettle One and Cranberry.

I'm not going to say that I've never fallen victim to this trap. You ladies seem to have perfected it. I'm not sure how you do it, but truth be told I've fallen for this trick a couple times (but lets keep that to our self's).

The story goes a little something like this:

I was at the beach with the guys and at a local bar. We were doing what guys do best. Taking back shots, chasing them with our drinks, and rating the girls on the area code basis.

Area code basis? Whats that you ask. Simple. The 1-10 scale is obsolete. The area code is a 3 number system. the first number 1-9 (9 being the greatest) is the body, the second number 0 or 1 is if you wouldn't or would sleep with her, and the last number 1-9 (9 being the greatest) is the face. This way you get an overall analysis of each girl that passes by.

Back to my story. From across the bar I spotted a 819. Now I couldn't tell for sure, I've had a couple drinks at this point. If I were to be safe, I'd say a 718 at worst but a possibly a 919.

She was "eye flirting" with me from a table full of girls and I was just a young lad, just turned 21. My friends and I walk up to their table and introduce ourselves. Now I would like to say I didn't use an overly cheesy line but chances are it was something like, "Hey, looks like you need some company".

Don't judge me. Like I said, I was young and probably had 3 too many Captain and Cokes. In fact, I'm going to blame it all on the Captain. Him and his deliciously flavored spiced rum, and when mixed with coke and a splash of lime, I can't he held accountable for my actions.

Either way, she suckered me into buying her shots....her and her 3 friends. Then just like a ninja turtle she and her 3 friends vanished without a trace. Dammit!

Here's the thing that really chaps my ass. I'm not a bad looking guy. I have a great looking girlfriend and shes not one of the, "I need a guy that looks worse than me so I can feel like I have the power in the relationship" kind of a girl.

That same night, I got duped again! This time at another bar. Same situation however I had bought a shots for her and 6 of her friends. That's 7 people! (I was a math major) That's roughly $65 dollars of drinks. For what, a 30 second dance and then poof, like a David Blane trick she and her 6 friends, yet again, vanish without a trace. To make things worse, she was probably only a 616. But hey, you win some and loose some. I put the blame solely on the alcohol.

Now that I've aged, and grown older, I now know the way of the drink stealing samurai. No longer will your lustful eyes pierce my wallet for your insatiable thirst, or your heart stopping laugh with the hand ever so lightly on the chest have me at your every call.

So here is A Lending Hand extending the Olive Branch to those ninjas and magicians. Next time you're out and you need another drink, just buy it yourself and save him the heart ache of being duped. Its a win-win situation. You don't have to dodge him all night after you make your escape and you feel more independent for buying your own drink.