Gone like the Wind

It starts out like any relationship.  You meet this great guy and days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months.  You think to yourself, "Could this be the start of a lasting relationship? Could this guy be the one?"

You start to get your hopes up, and then before you know it, the number of texts he sends, and the phone calls he makes begin to decrease.  He starts to be short with you and your weekend dinners start becoming last minute calls to change your plans.  Plans that, unfortunately, do not include you.

Soon, you get the hint.  You're single and alone.  Why?

What did you do wrong? Everything was going great.  You put yourself out there and gave him everything -- your whole heart.

Now you're left standing there trying to piece together what went wrong, and your friends are no help.  Everyone is telling you a story of a friend that went through the same thing and now they are back together. 

The story has something to do with, the guy having an epiphany that he cannot live with out her.  He learned the error of his ways and if she had moved on, they would not be together.  They tell you to hang in there and that he will change his mind.  They're sure of it!

Of course, this story just complicates things even more.  Your friends are giving you false hope, but don't blame them.  They just want to see you happy, not your current state with snot running down your shirt and eyes as dark as raccoons. 

Here is my free advice.  Move on, don't listen to your romance drunken friends.  They have no idea what they are talking about.  If the story they told is true, it was a one time event which is bound to happen due to the art of probability. 

If he was "The One" he would not have left you to explain how things went wrong to your friends.  If he was "The One" then he would have known what he had, in his arms, when he held you, kissed you, and looked into your eyes.

He's not "The One" so move on.  It's better to waste your time finding "The One" than wasting your time trying to get back "The Old One".  He's out there, don't give up.

Do I Love You?

You've been dating your guy for sometime now and you wanna take it to the next level.  Is that level the "L" word? Is it the "M" word? no matter what level you're talking about you wonder if you guy is thinking the same thing. 

Here's the short answer.  If you're wondering, he's not thinking.  You'll know if he is...trust me.

Still, all you can think about is the rest of your life with him.  Getting married, having kids, owning a home, and growing old together.  That's great that you feel that way but you wonder, "why doesn't he?"  Everytime you bring up the future and how he's involved in that future, you notice he tries to either:

A) Shrug it off
B) Change the subject
C) Becomes condescending and just kisses you on the forehead

But why?

As the best selling book and movie states...He's just not that into you

He's into his fantasy football league, he's into going out with his buddies, he's into everything but his future with you.  It's not his fault.  Hes genetically predetermined to spread his seed and not be tied down to one girl.  I'm not condoning this, but its true.  This may be the one case that it's not you, it's him. 

You may be the perfect girl any guy could ask for, however, he may not be looking for that girl just yet.  Now I'm not saying every guy is like this.  Some guys have deep issues with committing.  Some tall-tale signs of this guy are:

1) Never sets plans in stone
2) Has the wondering eye that window shops constantly
3) Friends who never committed to anything

If this sounds like your guy, you're wasting your time.  I hate to say it but its true. 

Now if your guy sounds like the prior, he may just need some more time to warm up to the notion that life with you is great and something to look forward to.  The last thing you want to do is force him or persuade him into a commitment like that.  You may convince him now but years down the road it will lead to resentment and ultimately cheating/breaking up.

So here's my olive branch.  Let the relationship run its course.  He'll be ready when he's ready.  If that time isn't now and you need it now, you're with the wrong guy.  If he has commitment issue as stated earlier, then stop wasting your time and move onto bigger and better fish.

Controlling Much?

I hear it all the time. "I'm not controlling, I just want to know where he is all the time." These girls are either A) in denial about being controlling or B) think that if they admit they are controlling, they're admitting to doing something wrong.

Before I dive into my "5 ways you know you're a controlling", I always wondered what compelled you to be so controlling? I'd understand if you're dating a guy who is untrustworthy to begin with but then again...why are you with a guy whose untrustworthy to begin with?

What if you're dating a trustworthy guy? In my opinion, that means 2 things. 1) You were hurt from someone in the past and now projecting it on them or 2) You're untrustworthy to begin with and now think he's going to do what you think about doing all the time. Get over it or move on.

My 5 ways you know you're a controlling!

5) When you're out at the bars, you always know where he is, who he is talking to, who he has talked to, how much he's had to drink, and most importantly which girls have been remotely looking at him.

4) You lean over his shoulder when he's either; texting, emailing, or going through his phone in general. When he leaves his phone unguarded, like to go to the bathroom, you quickly go through his phone. Now the sad thing is that you probably have about 15 seconds to do this so you go right for the incriminating stuff. The text messages and call log. You're trying to find something to pin him on..anything!

You also go through his phone with him and ask him how he knows every Amber, Jessica, Erin, and any other girl's name you may come across. Then you grill him by asking, "Why do you need all these girls numbers?" Let it go ladies, let it go.

3) You ask him to check in with you at all times. You probably hide the controlling part by saying, "I just want to know that you're okay." But what it really means is, "I just want to make sure your dick is still in your pants."

2) You go through his Facebook account. You got his password by scheming. "Hey honey, I want to see "so and so's" Facebook profile but you're the only one whose friends with them. Whats your password for me to log into your facebook?" Sneaky. Now its like the phone but worse! You have all the free time in the world. You can play CSI Facebook all night. You investigate his profile, fine comb through his messages (sent, deleted, and recieved) , get a list of suspects from his list of friends, and the list goes on.

News flash...ITS JUST FACEBOOK. Why do people insist that Facebook is the be all, end all? For example, someone is not single until Facebook says so.

1) He has no more friends because you don't like any of them, therefore he doesn't like any of them. The sad thing is you've sucsessfully brain washed him into being your slave. You have complete control over his thoughts and everyday manurisms. You've broken him down in ways only Hitler, Stalin, and Castro has. Way to go Lucifer, you win. Now go enjoy your ball-less shell of a man.

So here is the Lending Hand perspective: If you can't trust him, leave him. If you don't trust yourself, get help and stop punishing him (who did nothing wrong).

It's Been a While

I'M BACK!

I know I've been MIA for a while and there's no excuse. Well there is actually, I've been doing something called work and it hasn't been fun. I would love to sit here and make new blogs all day but I literally don't have time between work, girlfriend, and my own sanity!

I remember when I first started writing these blogs I thought I'd have a plethora of thoughts to write about. 15 blogs later, I realized that this whole "blog" thing was much harder than I thought. Then, even when you try to keep your identity hidden, you tend to hurt someones feelings. You didn't intend for it to happen, but it happens. It's just something that comes with the territory.

So here we go.
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"Why does he check out other girls when I'm around!?" she cries. "Whether we're walking in the mall, eating dinner, or even in the car, he seems to look at every girl that walks by!"

Does this sound like you? Does it sound like someone you know? Every girl has known or knows this guy. I like to call him the window shopper.

The window shopper is also known, by Britney fans, as a womanizer. He always thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Sadly, he also thinks he has a chance with all the girls he looks at.

The good news? He's only window shopping. He's not buying anything, just looking around. The analogy I like to use is Tiffany's. The sterling silver stuff is you and its been your "Go-to" jewlery for the longest time! Every girl loves Tiffany's! (even though its still just STERLING SILVER) The girls that walk by are the sea of diamonds that shine and glimmer from across the room. He can't help but stare. Those are wayy too much but he thinks, "I'm just looking"

The bad news? It's only a matter of time until he thinks, "What the hell, why not?". Once you're distracted he'll go over to the expensive side of Tiffany's and instead of window shopping, hes checking out prices, looking to finance, and looking to buy.

More good news (depending how you look at it). He may be looking at other girls but he also may be looking at other guys, grandmas, little kids, mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. You may just be noticing that he's only looking at girls, when the truth is he's looking at everyone. He just likes to people watch. I know I do. Nothing beats a nice afternoon of people watching.

People watching could, and should be, a sport. I could do it all day! I'm like a special CIA operative. I can tell you what the couple across the way is arguing about and what the family of 7 is eating 4 tables over and to the right.

The bottom line is, you need to check 3 things.

1) Is he just harmlessly window shopping?
2) Is he trying stuff on?
3) Is it just my jelous old self?

If he's option 1 or 3 then no need to worry. If option 2 is creeping up on you, refer to number 3 first and if you think you're not crazy then have a little chat.

Best of luck with your shopping endevors!

Mother do you hear me?

"You're such a momma's boy!" I hear that phrase almost every time I'm sick, hungry, or in an ear shot of my mother.

I'll admit, I love my mother but I am in no way a momma's boy. Is it a crime that my mom knows how to make me feel better when I'm sick? Is it a crime that my mothers food knows how to make me feel at home? Is it a crime that she folds my sleeves up when I reach across the dinner table so I don't get my shirt dirty?

Okay, so that last one was kind of a crime, but in my defense, I always say, "MOM! Really?! Stop." Then she gives me those motherly eyes and my manly heart just melts.

If this sounds like your boyfriend, chances are he is a bit of a momma's boy. However, you should know that it isn't his fault. She was the one who raised him and took care of him when he was sick, hungry, and when he scraped his knee on the ground when playing tag in the backyard.

It's not that you won't do the same. You're there when he falls and hurts himself and you're there when hes sick and needs a wet cloth on his forehead. The difference is you get mad at him for his failures, while his mom accepts his failures without bitching.

Don't worry, your man still loves you. You'll just have to come to terms that your man, has two great loves of his life. You and his Mother. I know, it sucks but the sooner you deal with it, accept it, and embrace it, the easier life will be. It's not like you can remove her from his life for good.

Look at it this way, at least he comes from a loving family. Which is always better than coming from a broken home of hate and alcohol.

What Did I Do?!

Things that we do that piss you off. Got your attention? Thought so.



The following are things that may piss you off or irritate you.

-We leave the toilet seat up
-We throw our clothes on the floor, over the bed post, over the chair, and on the stair railings
-We leave our dishes in the sink and call that, "cleaning the dishes"
-We have no idea which clothes are clean and which are dirty (we base cleanliness on smell)
-We wait until the last minute to tell you that we're going golfing or when we (as in I) said we were going to meet our friends for dinner
-We let our gases out anywhere and everywhere and see no problem in doing so
-We can eat whatever we want, whenever we want
-We can sleep with many partners and not be called a whore (if we are called a whore, we take it as a compliment)
-We take up all of the room in the bed at night
-Play video games, watch sports, and have weird hobbies that take up "Us" time
-We don't listen to your every command
-We don't read your minds
-We're selfish
-We're just not good enough

See the trend? If guys were to make a list of things that you do that pisses us off, it would be the exact opposite of the list above. However, that doesn't mean we're right and you're wrong. It just means that we need to work on a happy medium.

If this seems like your list of "shit you hate", then this Lending Hand would like to tell you to talk to him and tell him why this bothers you. Come to a common ground, because where there isn't communication there isn't a relationship.

But most importantly, don't approach him with the following, "Hey, can we talk? Its kind of serious." That will automatically put him into defensive mode. Also, don't talk to him about it right before or during the thing that pisses you off. That will lead to absolutely nothing!

Wait until he is in a good mood. When he's happy, work is great, and you guys aren't fighting. This way he wont get all defensive and have a rebuttal for everything you say. Relationship are about compromise and you can't compromise when he's rejecting everything you say.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass

Every girl knows how it goes. When he's around you he couldn't be any more perfect. He says the sweetest things, cuddles you, and watches Sex and the City with you.

Even around your girlfriends he is the nicest guy. He's engaged in the conversations and provides his opinion. This can't be true! Not only is he the cuddle bug in bed but you can bring him out to see your friends too!

Then it happens. Just when you thought nothing could bring this "relationship high" down, you see how he acts around his friends.

One moment you're twirling around in the park on a clear sunny day, and before you know it the clouds roll in and rain on your parade.

What the hell happened?! He was such a great guy around my friends and behind closed doors, but in front of his friends he's a total dick.

There is something ladies should know about when men congregate together. Guys have a little chemical problem called testosterone, and when multiple guys get together in a room all of the testosterone combines to become Captain Planet! Well not Captain Planet but something very similar...like Captain Jackass.

Once this metamorphosis occurs there is no stopping it. The dirty jokes, the vulgar comments about the girl on TV, and the overall disrespect towards women.

So why do we do this? It's very simple. We have an animalistic urge to beat our chest and yell at the top of our lungs. We want to show you that WE ARE MEN! The problem is, we don't know that the demonstration of uber badassness actually acts as a repellent to any women in a 30 mile radius.

Call it ignorance, but ignorance is bliss. If you don't tell him it bothers you, he'll keep doing it. He won't grow out of it, if that is what you are thinking.

My advice to you is to take him aside and tell him that you don't like how he acts differently in front of his friends. Atleast you've spoken your peace. Chances are that he won't heed your words and stop, but atleast you said something. Just understand that he can't help it. Let him be a guy around his guy friends. Just shake your head and know that it's not because he doesn't respect you, it's because he's a guy.