Mother do you hear me?

"You're such a momma's boy!" I hear that phrase almost every time I'm sick, hungry, or in an ear shot of my mother.

I'll admit, I love my mother but I am in no way a momma's boy. Is it a crime that my mom knows how to make me feel better when I'm sick? Is it a crime that my mothers food knows how to make me feel at home? Is it a crime that she folds my sleeves up when I reach across the dinner table so I don't get my shirt dirty?

Okay, so that last one was kind of a crime, but in my defense, I always say, "MOM! Really?! Stop." Then she gives me those motherly eyes and my manly heart just melts.

If this sounds like your boyfriend, chances are he is a bit of a momma's boy. However, you should know that it isn't his fault. She was the one who raised him and took care of him when he was sick, hungry, and when he scraped his knee on the ground when playing tag in the backyard.

It's not that you won't do the same. You're there when he falls and hurts himself and you're there when hes sick and needs a wet cloth on his forehead. The difference is you get mad at him for his failures, while his mom accepts his failures without bitching.

Don't worry, your man still loves you. You'll just have to come to terms that your man, has two great loves of his life. You and his Mother. I know, it sucks but the sooner you deal with it, accept it, and embrace it, the easier life will be. It's not like you can remove her from his life for good.

Look at it this way, at least he comes from a loving family. Which is always better than coming from a broken home of hate and alcohol.

What Did I Do?!

Things that we do that piss you off. Got your attention? Thought so.



The following are things that may piss you off or irritate you.

-We leave the toilet seat up
-We throw our clothes on the floor, over the bed post, over the chair, and on the stair railings
-We leave our dishes in the sink and call that, "cleaning the dishes"
-We have no idea which clothes are clean and which are dirty (we base cleanliness on smell)
-We wait until the last minute to tell you that we're going golfing or when we (as in I) said we were going to meet our friends for dinner
-We let our gases out anywhere and everywhere and see no problem in doing so
-We can eat whatever we want, whenever we want
-We can sleep with many partners and not be called a whore (if we are called a whore, we take it as a compliment)
-We take up all of the room in the bed at night
-Play video games, watch sports, and have weird hobbies that take up "Us" time
-We don't listen to your every command
-We don't read your minds
-We're selfish
-We're just not good enough

See the trend? If guys were to make a list of things that you do that pisses us off, it would be the exact opposite of the list above. However, that doesn't mean we're right and you're wrong. It just means that we need to work on a happy medium.

If this seems like your list of "shit you hate", then this Lending Hand would like to tell you to talk to him and tell him why this bothers you. Come to a common ground, because where there isn't communication there isn't a relationship.

But most importantly, don't approach him with the following, "Hey, can we talk? Its kind of serious." That will automatically put him into defensive mode. Also, don't talk to him about it right before or during the thing that pisses you off. That will lead to absolutely nothing!

Wait until he is in a good mood. When he's happy, work is great, and you guys aren't fighting. This way he wont get all defensive and have a rebuttal for everything you say. Relationship are about compromise and you can't compromise when he's rejecting everything you say.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass

Every girl knows how it goes. When he's around you he couldn't be any more perfect. He says the sweetest things, cuddles you, and watches Sex and the City with you.

Even around your girlfriends he is the nicest guy. He's engaged in the conversations and provides his opinion. This can't be true! Not only is he the cuddle bug in bed but you can bring him out to see your friends too!

Then it happens. Just when you thought nothing could bring this "relationship high" down, you see how he acts around his friends.

One moment you're twirling around in the park on a clear sunny day, and before you know it the clouds roll in and rain on your parade.

What the hell happened?! He was such a great guy around my friends and behind closed doors, but in front of his friends he's a total dick.

There is something ladies should know about when men congregate together. Guys have a little chemical problem called testosterone, and when multiple guys get together in a room all of the testosterone combines to become Captain Planet! Well not Captain Planet but something very similar...like Captain Jackass.

Once this metamorphosis occurs there is no stopping it. The dirty jokes, the vulgar comments about the girl on TV, and the overall disrespect towards women.

So why do we do this? It's very simple. We have an animalistic urge to beat our chest and yell at the top of our lungs. We want to show you that WE ARE MEN! The problem is, we don't know that the demonstration of uber badassness actually acts as a repellent to any women in a 30 mile radius.

Call it ignorance, but ignorance is bliss. If you don't tell him it bothers you, he'll keep doing it. He won't grow out of it, if that is what you are thinking.

My advice to you is to take him aside and tell him that you don't like how he acts differently in front of his friends. Atleast you've spoken your peace. Chances are that he won't heed your words and stop, but atleast you said something. Just understand that he can't help it. Let him be a guy around his guy friends. Just shake your head and know that it's not because he doesn't respect you, it's because he's a guy.

Guest Blogger: You Live and You Learn

Lending Hand here. I wanted to give a chance for one of my loyal readers to give their perspective on what failed relationships cost you. This blogger, who shall remain anonymous, is someone who has been through the toughest of tough relationships and still came out on top.

Her story is one to look up to, as it happens to many of my readers. When you fail and fall down, get back up. But get up, understand your faults, and get better. Her experiences have allowed her to realize what she needs/needed to do to move on and move forward...

-----------

When the proposition of writing a guest blog for the Lending Hand presented itself, I was simultaneously excited and terrified. Brainstorming this entry made me realize just how little I know and understand about men, women, and relationships in general.
As a newly single 27-year-old, I realized that I have absolutely no advice to lend to the population about how to conduct a successful relationship. Truth be told, it's kind of depressing!

Either way, here it goes.

The two long term relationships I've been in have gone down in flames. None of those mutual "the timing was wrong" type of endings here. My mom once told me that you can judge the quality of a relationship by the way it ends. For example, if the breakup was bad, most likely the relationship was too.

If we're to believe dear old Mom, that would mean the only two relationships I've ever had were terrible ones. Which leads me to this---the only thing I really know about relationships is what not to do and how not to act. These things are, incidentally, exactly what I always do and how I always act when I am in a relationship! Ah ha! We've stumbled on my area of relationship expertise.

The cardinal sin that I committed in both of these relationships, was approaching them as a jobs. Not in the sense that I viewed them as something that took up a lot of time and required energy to maintain—but in the sense that I literally approached my boyfriends as projects that required teaching and coiffing to properly prepare them to be the perfect boyfriends of tomorrow.

The problem with this approach is--- although they'll usually learn a lot from you, and after all is said and done, they are a better person because of you, you won't reap the benefits. The fruits of your labor will almost always be enjoyed by their next girlfriend, with whom they will have a successful, mutually respectful relationship.

In addition, your "project boyfriend" will never see you as an equal (because they assume that you don't see them as such) and in his eyes you will turn into his mother—which is not sexy, no matter what Freud thinks.

Who wouldn't want a beautiful woman who cleans up after you, does your laundry, lends helpful advice, interests themselves in your interests, focuses entirely on you?
The truth is, every man WOULD want this in moderation—but making someone else your life, your project, and your only concern is impossible to keep under control, and inevitably it becomes all-consuming. Before you know it, it has consumed any semblance of mutual partnership you ever had.

My theory, that this was the appropriate way to approach a relationship, or treat a person, was based on the misguided thought that any person would appreciate you pouring your heart into the sole task of their betterment. When I think it through in hindsight, if someone did this to me I would most likely be insulted that they didn't think I was capable of being good at anything on my own.

This entry has been decidedly self-critical, and perhaps the only thing you'll take away is that I will never have a successful relationship. However, I believe there is something to be gained. Never lose yourself in a relationship. You'll look back when it's over (and it will be over) and you'll realize that you spent years helping and bettering someone, and that someone was not you. Like me, when you lose yourself and focus on the other, you'll never get that wonderful feeling that they made you a better person, because they didn't---you didn't give them a chance.

- Guest Blogger